lipstuck

spoke to b today, who's back from LA. we haven't spoken for four months, because she found it too difficult that i was with someone else. and then... from LAX she sent a text from her british phone, telling her friends she was coming back into town. and she accidentally included me. not entirely sure it was an accident. but when i called, she didn't pick up, then texted back that it was an accident.

and then, i got a beautiful email, reminding me of why we were so close. i didn't reply all weekend because s was here, and it seemed obvious that she was my priority, not b. but characteristically, b - who is used to being attended to and adored - called me tonight, i guess surprised that i hadn't replied and maybe a little scared that i wasn't going to.

and we talked, and talked, and talked.

last night at a party I saw j, who used to be one but isn't anymore. but back in the day...! as i chatted to her adult incarnation last night, I couldn't help but remember some of the scurrilous stuff she used to get up to as an undergraduate and actually, before. think notes on a scandal, except that the teacher was a girl...

so it definitely wasn't me. i came straight home. after drinks with t and k.

when i left t and k last thursday night, they were friends, about to go to lounge for k's inaugaral attempt at pulling girls, and t was the chaperone, cheerleader, wing woman, whatever. but when i spoke to t the next morning, the only girl k had pulled was t.

nice. now k is mortified. t is sheepish. and i am wondering why girls who are friends so regularly fall into kissing each other.

not me. i didn't do it.

grow really fucking fed up.

long-distance relationships are just so tedious. the phone makes you tired of your own voice, tired of her voice and tired of language altogether.

but we're better now, helped by four days in a beautiful european location, long balcony overlooking famous river, great wine, truffle oil on everything, and stupidly good sex, which can either paper over a problem or render the problem so microscopic that you can just put up with it, because everything else seems so fantastic. and the latter is definitely what happened.

she has a FEROCIOUS temper though - she argues like a very clever 14 year old girl. we actually fought in the airport. we're not supposed to fight in airports! we don't have kids, we're not on the way back from a package holiday, our non-existent kids aren't punching each other. no-one has sun-stroke, no-one has lost anything. why are we fighting - loudly - in an airport?!

the flip-side of that temper is that she bites. hard. in a good way...

she's really, really hurting me. a predictable downside to being in love, maybe, but I didn't think it would be this bad.

Coming out in the workplace. Never attempted it before. Never felt it to be necessary, as I guess I almost quite liked cultivating an image that was somewhat aloof and mysterious. But I'm quite sick of aloof, and it feels like I am coming across as a 2 dimensional character if I don't supply some kind of information about my personal life. After a while of listening to people talk about their boyfriends/girlfriends etc. I felt like I wanted to chime in.

So I did.

Oh the spectrum of reactions!

The shocked boy! Boys are always staggered. Girls not so.

And then, encouragingly, other people starting coming out around me. You can't always rely on that to happen, but it's great if it does.

Nervous and perversely excited to see if this revelation changes my Monday morning.